deloitte

1. (deloitte) (2031↑, 232↓)

The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former Deloitte employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.

Dave has no social life because he works at Deloitte.

Author: Angry Psycho http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1150508

2. (Deloitte) (915↑, 94↓)

"Deloitte" comes from the Greek denomination of "De" and "Loitte". "De" translates directly to "miserable", with "Loitte" translating to "pathetic human being." Formerly known as Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, the name was shortened to just "Deloitte" after it was discovered that "Touche" was a 3rd grade version of the word ass, and Tohmatsu was too difficult to say. Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath in the youth and souls of staff members. Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American society. The wealth gap is clearly seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche's, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX's in January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses. Deloitte staffers can typically describe their lives with the following tickmark: "I traced and agreed my weight gain to the scale in my bathroom without exception. D&T noted that 15 pounds was immaterial to performing audit work. Per discussion with my roommates, I noted that they no longer recognized me. Per further inquiry, they now refer to me as either 'The guy that sleeps in the other room', or 'The vaguely familiar friend'. D&T assessed this explanation from my roommates as acceptable. I footed the number of outstanding bills received from the mail, and noted that it tied without exception to the amount that the bill collector said I owed. I re-calculated my credit score, and noted that the score of 4 was appropriate. D&T passed on further investigation."

Deloitte has become a new plane of existence.

Author: Wordness http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1155568

3. (Deloitte) (657↑, 112↓)

A verb describing metaphorical anal rape. It is derived from the common practices of partners at Deloitte & Touche LLP. Partners at this firm expect their staff to 'take it up the arse' and work like dogs, whilst being grateful for this privilege.

He was deloitted so bad he couldn't walk for days..

Author: I love AS2 http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1157858

4. (deloitte) (356↑, 66↓)

A place where you are not family, nor do you want to be. A place where 40 fresh faced college interns joyously start on the same date for a new program, envisioned by a Senior Manager who cares about them and treats them well and makes them happy and the program is a success and saves the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. Where the Senior Manager subsequently gets fired a year later who knows what, but rumors abound that he was a target because he spent too much on outings that kept his employees happy and retained. A place where all but 7 out of those 40 interns have quit 4 years after being hired (three years after the Senior Manager was fired). A place where you work from 9am till 3am or 5am seven days a week, for two months, because you’ve been selected to run an engagement where you have absolutely no experience in that industry, and get no help from the Manager. He was supposed to be there at 7:30 – his first time there in 2 months – but calls you at 9:30, from bed, mentions that he has to drop off his laundry and maybe get his car serviced, depending on the line. Not to mention that the reason you’re working so much is because the Manager deleted the prior year’s work-papers’ diskettes because they were sitting in a box on his desk and he thought they were junk. Yes, I’m talking about you, first initial of C. Your reward for all that hard work? A “Why did it take so long??” lecture from the partner. A place so full of pompous jerks that a Second Year’s opinion on how to get the engagement done quickly is completely ignored. To top it off, the Second Year person is neither congratulated nor recognized when their method gets the job done 3 times faster than either of the two Seniors’ and the Manager’s method. A place where the Senior tells you to ABC, and when the Manager reprimands you for it and demands to know why you did ABC, the Senior, standing two feet away, does not speak up and admit it was his instructions. A place where people who make a measly 50K a year act like they descend from Sultan Blue Blood Royalty and you, as a first year, should worship the dog poop on their leather Gucci shoes that are going to take them three years to pay off because they only make the aforementioned 50K a year. Of course, they have $100,000 in college loans, $30,000 in credit card bills, and live in the city with 3 roommates in a two bedroom walkup, but they are the bomb in their own minds. A place where you switch departments for a temporary two month stint under the promise of learning new & exciting things, where your reputation for excellence and devotion will guarantee you respect and advancement. And instead you are put to photocopying and filing for 5 months. A place so full of snotty snobs, where someone you sit next to everyday prefers to turn their head rather than say hello to you as you pass them in the hallway, because you are a first year, and they are a Senior, and think they are hot, even tho they are butt-ugly and freakish looking, and therefore you are not worthy of a “Hello”. A place where your Senior tells you that you are too happy, and too nice to people, and that it annoys them. Then the client subsequently brings over a box of cupcakes and hands it to you personally, and when you open it and there is only one cupcake inside, the Senior doesn’t even rethink their feelings about you and how good you may actually be at client relations. A place where even tho the entire business world has been using excel for years, your particular hell of a department is still using DOS Lotus. When they finally do switch over to a Windows program, they choose Lotus for Windows. And your opinion, as a lowly intern, that Excel would be a better choice, is quickly and rudely brushed aside.

Susan: "So, where do you work?" John: "In hell. Um, I mean at Deloitte." Joe: "I was in Vietnam." John: "SO WHAT?? I worked for Deloitte\!"

Author: I can't wait to quit this place http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1166545

5. (deloitte) (328↑, 83↓)

A place where type-A college graduates revert back to their college tendencies and become raging alcoholics - most likely on the company tab - due to poor working conditions. Also, another name for an overworked liver due to Friday-night happy-hour binge drinking.

People at Deloitte need to join AA.

Author: alcoholics anonymous http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1156256

6. (deloitte) (295↑, 87↓)

A company, like any other, that is led by out-of-touch, miserable, lonely, and pathetic partners. These partners make broad generalizations about the younger members of their company's work force who happen to have negative opinions about the lifestyle they were thrown into upon signing their offer letters. They support these generalizations by throwing about unsubstantiated facts and figures (see the "20-30%" comment and the "daddy" reference in definition 2. above) and whining to anyone who will listen that they can't figure out how to keep talented accountants. Further proof of the fact that those at the partnership level are out of synch with those who actually do their grunt work lies in the partners' belief that the audit staff members are unable to admit to themselves that they made a mistake in choosing their profession. This is completely false. Every one of these so-called "over-achieving grads" will freely admit their mistake. But calling it a "mistake" isn't exactly fair, is it? It would be more truthful to say that they were "duped" into employment by way of empty promises, audit room war stories, and lucrative internships. These partners continue to walk around with their heads in the clouds, making up fantastic stories to explain the parade of 3rd-, 4th-, and 5th-years walking out the Deloitte door each year. These made-up stories include, but are not limited to, impressive details about their workers desperately trying to impress "daddy", workers who didn't pay for college themselves, and workers who "do not yet realize the benefit of hard work." [Again, see definition 2 above]. Deloitte staff auditors do realize the likely benefit of hard their work, and that is the crux of the problem. They know that rising stars will be rewarded with unreasonable expectations, longer hours, unhealthy lifestyles, divorces, and depression.

The pathetic Deloitter's handle above is "wassabisperm". Enough said.

Author: wet-behind-the-ears http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153926

7. (deloitte) (231↑, 51↓)

Indentured servitude. Limited liability partnership that takes the hopes of many an intern, which are then dropped down the tree of reality, hitting every branch on their pathetic way down. The primary contributor to premature aging of middle aged men. Makes 40 year old men morph into 60 year olds.

Sweat shop; migrant workers; slaves.

Author: Disgruntled Auditor http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1155499

8. (deloitte) (173↑, 41↓)

A modern form of prostitution where eager, young minds sign on with the most reputable "practice" [pimp] in hopes of success and fortune but end up being sold to the highest bidder while partaking only a minimal share of the profits. "Partners" [pimps] are noted for reprimanding personnel that do not perform every and all requests of the client [john], as well as those who do not perform adequately in the eyes of the client.

Not showing up to the client is unacceptable when you work for Deloitte.

Author: Q http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153279

9. (Deloitte) (125↑, 11↓)

1) A workplace that appears desirable from outside the doors, but the reality of torture sets in once the HONEYMOON phase wears off (approximately 1-2 months). 2) A workplace where people a lot less intelligent and a lot more arrogant make decisions that affect your day-to-day. 3) A thankless job. Regardless of gender, employees are essentially overworked prostitutes. The John, being the client, receives services, and the Pimp, Deloitte, slaps said prostitute and tells prostitute to start working on the next John in the line. Most of the time it's a circle jerk. 4) A workplace where people you start with soon fade away like they never existed, and you sit at your CUBE, disgruntled at how your networking and alliance relationships go down the TOILET. 5) A workplace where the good people leave, and the rotten stay. 6) A workplace that motivates you to find another job after two busy seasons MAXIMUM, unless you are into S&M. 7) A workplace that is good for slackers who b.s. all day, while the people who actually give a damn about the final product, grind away at their desks. 8) A workplace where meritocracy does not exist. 9) A workplace where apathy will always have a home.

Amy: I'm sorry you lost your husband, Martha. Martha: Thanks, Amy. He's in a better place. I'm sorry too for your husband, Clarke, who is being eviscerated as we speak. He's at Deloitte, right? Yo, I ain't kidding, son. You be a Deloitte. (fighting words) I curse you to Deloitte. (a place worse than hell) Deloitte you\! (worse than the F bomb)

Author: Soothsayer911 http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1679894

10. (deloitte) (131↑, 27↓)

The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former Deloitte employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.

After the unsuccessful triple bipass surgergy, the patient exhibited symptoms similar to someone having deloitism.

Author: arrrrgh http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153575

11. (deloitte) (109↑, 23↓)

Deloitte is a form of slavery, however there are invisible chains that restrain people. The people who realize their destructive plight are usually the ones to quit or die, by that time it's too late. They are usually physically, mentally or emotionally scarred. Alcohol soon becomes a loving companion.

Joe works at Deloitte for 115 hours a day and although he has a family at home, he choses to go to the bar after work in order to forget the preceeding episode of ill treatment.

Author: Joe Smith http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153609

12. (deloitte) (64↑, 10↓)

a black hole, time warp, and nightmare you don't know you are in until you leave when you realize what a waste of time those 3 years at Deloitte were and you'll want those 3 years of your life back.

Similar to what I imagine of doing time in jail or being a P.O.W. You survive your years art Deloitte and get by, then when you wake up and realize you are dumb for putting up with these shitheads, you'll wish you could have those 3 years back....BUT you can't that time in your life is gone forever. You'll never get those years back\!\!\! You work and work trying to please the partners who are about 40-50 years of age but look 70 from all the years of working for assholes, and you would have learned more and gotten further in your career had you gone with that startup a few years back.

Author: Ron Anchorurgandy http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1888488

13. (Deloitte) (88↑, 40↓)

a shortend way of saying toilet and douche

I don't know why but everytime I hear Deloitte and Touche I thik Toilet and Douche. And by the way, is that a bloody turd in the toilet?

Author: Mo Hutch http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1520216

14. (deloitte) (45↑, 19↓)

noun: (a) a common form of slavery around the world (b) a company that picks already lifeless, boring, backstabbing new grads so they can fit easier into deloitte's culture (c) a place where nerdy unattractive men and women call their home because they have forgotten what home looks like due to working too hard

You didn't get picked by Deloitte? Well yeah, cuz you're not ugly\! He would fit well in Deloitte. He's smart, doesn't have fashion style, and he's a backstabbing son of a gun. Therapist: What's seems to be the problem? Patient: I work at Deloitte Therapist: Oh...this IS serious\!

Author: stupid new grad http://deloitte.urbanup.com/2604697

15. (deloitte) (77↑, 60↓)

A public Accounting firm where, on any given day, people walk around with attitudes and grudges. The problem is, MOST of these people should NOT have these grudges because they are either OLD or not very attractive\!\! Most of the women walk around as if their 'you know what' doesn't smell. The problem here is that it DOES smell. Most of the day is spent backstabbing employees who actually have lives outside the firm - this gives the not very attractive people something to do. Most of the people who do things on the weekends end up being asked to leave, upon which they find a new job for the same salary, but with less hours and demands. This further annoys the 'I'm a company man forever' types and they take it out on new hires. Not one of these 'company man' types can satisfy his/her spouse and usually is the first to find out that someone else is doing the satisfying.

She is 5'2' and weighs almost 200 pounds why does she have an attitude? She must work at Deloitte

Author: Dave http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1160296

16. (deloitte) (73↑, 68↓)

aka professional cock suckers.

Pete: I might go down soho for some oral tonight. Dave: Try Deloitte first, I've heard they're very select with their clients.

Author: Employee http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1187946

17. (deloitte) (47↑, 65↓)

Ah yes - this organization is one that fosters backstabbing and cliques. It then proclaims to be 'The Employer of Choice' An organization where you will NOT succeed, unless you are Asian. This is because the Seniors who are Asian give the work to the Asian guys and most of the non-Asian Senior men are bald, short, ugly - or a combination of the three, and they just looooooooooove Asian girls. Most of the young chicks are methed-out from the hours and some even have mid-back tattoos\! There are some cool people at Deloitte, but they are few and far between and IN NO WAY want to join a clique.

I'm pretty cool, good-looking, healthy and have a lot of friends and family. Well, you don't want to work for Deloitte - it'll all be lost\!

Author: Dave - O http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1519378

18. (deloitte) (63↑, 81↓)

1. A business environment fostering annoying, whiny, pompous, "wheres is mommy and daddy to pay my bills" individuals who not quite understand the concept of hard work or the ability to lead instead of following. 2. A firm where the misuse of client funds is used for the transportation of partners to strip clubs and work because the demi-gods are not allowed to touch public transportation

Dan: Bro, what happened to John, he whines more than my girl on the rag. Ron: Hes a deloitte man, hes a deloitte. Just let him go.

Author: Bigfanofworkbecausewhoneedsasociallife http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1155380

19. (deloitte) (82↑, 126↓)

An accounting firm full of people who didn't fill out the DAMN Global Commitment Survey\! I bet more people voted on this definition than those who filled out the damn survey which can actually help the situation and possibly change the definition. I guess this is why turnover at Deloitte hovers around 50% a year.

Deloitte be bustin' a GAAP yo ass.

Author: Material Weakness http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153974

20. (deloitte) (59↑, 198↓)

1) a place where you can work in exchange for money, and if you don't like working there, you can leave to make money somewhere else. 2) a place where you can have a career and make a whole lot of money if you think that is the right path for you. 3) a place that is not perfect, like every other workplace. 4) a place where you can either complain to yourself or others or actually try to engage with people to make it a better place.

people who write definitions for deloitte really seem to be bitter, so why don't they just leave?

Author: evets http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1539542

21. (deloitte) (45↑, 184↓)

an acct firm where it seems people stay at the office longer than necessary to hang out on sites such as www.urbandictionary.com. (See definitions for KPMG, PWC and E&Y, hardly any defs. or any voting going on, guess they are actually working\!)

he works at Deloitte.

Author: bitter http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1155888

22. (deloitte) (94↑, 382↓)

A company, like any other, that hires wet-behind-the-ears college grads. Approximately 20-30% of these grads are over-achieving obnoxious types who are suddenly confronted with the reality of a demanding work schedule common to the industry they freely chose (and many other in their country of residence.) However, due to an inability to admit they made a mistake in their choice of profession (not necessarily employer), they remain unhappily employed by the same company. This inability is caused by the general immaturity of many young professionals as admitting a mistake in choice would require self-analysis, character, and possibly upsetting "daddy" (who they aimed so hard to impress by taking the job in the first place). They instead turn into apathetic whiners who bring down the morale and culture of their company with diatribe similar to the original definition. This fosters a negative environment for the remaining 70-80% of employees who realize that they are employed of their own free will and can leave at any time, instead of referring to themselves as victims or even worse by slaves. “Slave” an overstatement that is an obviously, grossly insensitive reference to a race (in Americana history) who actually endured indentured servitude/slavery. (A race that is incidentally underrepresented by these firms b/c some of the same shallow and selfish pricks who think the biggest problem in the world is their own work schedule, eventually become partner and make strategic choices for the firm.)

any ass-clown grad who had daddy pay for their college education in the first place and thus does not yet realize the benefit of hard work.

Author: wassabisperm http://deloitte.urbanup.com/1153402

Related: pwc, kpmg, ernst & young, accounting, big four, ey, douche, ernst and young, e&y, pricewaterhousecoopers, public accounting, word

Last updated: 2012.02.29